08 October, 2012

I Built This

And by "built this" I mean I forced my people to come over and babysit me because I should not be trusted with power tools.  Or hammers.  Or measuring tape.

Exhibit A: I tried to build it once on my own, and this is what happened.

I'm still really sensitive about what happened, but basically it went like this.  See Bridget build.  See Bridget break her drill bit inside a dowel rod.  See Bridget split every piece of wood she comes in contact with.  See Bridget somehow bleed on her project.  See Bridget hurl project across garage.  See Bridget call TJ and tell him she's starting over and he has to help.

So while I like to pretend I did a lot of this during construction...

I actually did a lot of this:

Turns out, I'm very good at measuring.  But I talk out loud to myself and TJ made fun of me.  Let's all publicly shame TJ for bring mean to me.  

Whitney (the historian for this event) and I were also very good at frustrating TJ by making up words for the tools and supplies we were using.  The clamp was "the big squeezer thing" and the screws were "long nails with swirlies on them".  I also repeatedly call the drill the screw gun.  That one was actually not a joke.  I think I had a mini-stroke that rendered me incapable of remembering the names of tools.  Can you see the look of "oh you guys are so cute and so dumb at the same time" on Teej's face?  I can too.  And it makes me smile.  (We miss you Teej.  And you too, Whit.)

Two hours and countless laughs later, it was finished!

I hate to brag, but I totally added this trim on my own.  No big deal.

A few days later, I forced the gals to come over and do my slave labor.  This photo was only taken so that I could pretend that I helped.

BTDubs, spray paint primer saves lives people.  Especially if you like to rush everything like me and need your primer to dry in oh let's say 20 minutes.  Did I mention I'm always in a hurry?

This photo is not necessary in showing you the process of the project, but you all need to know that Whitney was instructing Mary Anne to paint "sexily" with brush-whipping motions.  It was magical.
We also forced Baby B to huff paint with us.  Because getting high is only fun if everyone does it.

(Please notice my broken attempt to build this sitting in the background, shaming me with embarrassment.  I HATE YOU YOU STUPID PIECE OF PINE!)

And there you have it, folks.  I must point out that the pheasant bird hook was Whitney's selection.  When Lu is old enough to ask why in the world there is a pheasant on her wardrobe, I'll just tell her it was between that and a Bloodhound hook.  Clearly we made the right choice.  What can I say, we were at Menard's and the options were limited. 

I hope Lucca knows how much work went into this.  I doubt she will, because she is an ungrateful little sprite.  And I hope no one else in my family expects me to build anything else, because I've lost my hired laborers (I paid them in insults to their work and personal hygiene) and because I'm pretty sure I've been banned from Menard's for life.  No one told me that the toilets were for display only.  


  1. You, lady, are funny!

    Also, this reads much like my own Handy Katie post might ... if I was ever, even remotely close to handy. Praise Jesus for my handy hubby! ;)

  2. SHAME TJ don't be mean! That looks like lots of fun, sorry we moved away! I could have helped then you really wouldn't have had anything to do! :-)


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